Feminism

should be amused in order to secure her cooperation but can be raped if there is no other way of dealing with her. Some even give grotesque prescriptions for compelling a woman to make sexually affective movements, or even to experience orgasm, against her will." Or there is the famous Chinese erotic novel Chin P'ing Mei - the wives and mistresses are expected to gratify the womanising hero with no thought to their own pleasures and they are shown being manhandled, seduced, burned with incense, subjected to erotic experiments, savagely beaten if they displease him etc. Although many of the scenes show traditional seduction positions and mutual enjoyment there is no tenderness about it. The kama sutra says that one must sex with ones equals, not with those below you in caste and status (servants, slaves etc) - because when you are with someone that you consider inferior to yourself your attitude towards them automatically changes and you don't treat them with the same respect and consideration. Vatsyayan propagated refined, consensual sex at all times - and the word 'consensual' to me says it all - it is about equality for both the woman and the man. Also - and to me this is what really stands out - in the other texts women were certainly not given the right to express any aggression in sex or to initiate an act. Hers was to accept. In direct contrast the kama sutra encourages the woman to take on the aggressor's role if she so desires, even if temporarily. She has the right to have tantrums that the man has to mollify, she can hit, kick, scratch with impunity and if she feels that the lover is being more violent than she likes and will not stop when asked she is advised to do the same to him, twice over. As I said - whatever the reality - at least this was what the kama sutra prescribed. My advice Nothing is written in stone. You don't have to take the word of any book down to the letter. The idea is to understand why it is being presented. We have very fixed ideas, fed by someone else, on things like sex and feminism - both of which have very negative vocabulary. We associate these subjects with a degree of silence and repression and the only time most of us are comfortable talking about it is when we make fun of it - if you can ridicule it then you have conquered it! Just for a little while put aside your pre conception and focus only on the spirit of the teachings. Don't call it feminism - call it mutual pleasure - and concentrate on making it mutual. Disclaimer: If you would like advice from Seema Anand on Sexually Speaking, send us a brief question to info.seema.anand@gmail.com (No attachments please. Attachments will not be looked at). Each week, Seema will choose one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets she will not be able to enter into any personal correspondence.